


Bad joke

by AttackOnC



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Happy Ending, M/M, crack humor, curse words, just really bad humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-23
Updated: 2016-02-23
Packaged: 2018-05-22 20:52:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6093715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AttackOnC/pseuds/AttackOnC
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eruri Week Jokes/Humor Day 7</p><p>Levi turns into a arrogant little shit when he gets drunk so Hanji and Mike decide to play a prank on him as a payback. Things get out of hand...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bad joke

After a long day of getting the new recruits in shape Hange, Mike and Levi decide to withdraw to the pub near the barracks, to blow of some steam. One thing Hange and Mike weren't prepared for was that once Levi gets drunk he gets a bit cocky.

So after the fifth round of beers it starts

 _"Did you see those recruits staring at me in awe. Damn, looked as if they had shit their brains out. I'm sure I've got a lot of brats stalking me from now on. That's going to be a nuisance. Can't really blame them though. It’s just what happens when you look like this. You guys are so lucky for not having that problem. I mean the way you smell and the whole shitty glasses look your pulling of Hange, that's dedication, and Mike you got that stray dog thing going on which would have been sort of cute if you hadn't put the focus on scruffy."_  

And Levi didn't stop there, no it went on for another hour with tales about his irresistible looks and sad stories of how he had this struggle even in the underground city and some more back handed compliments about their appearance before Hange was completely done with the little shit.

They turned to Mike, and they give him “the look” and Mike who usually doesn't show much expression, looks actually annoyed at this point. He returns their look with a nod. And the game is on.

 _"Well"_  Hange starts  _"That explains it"_. Levi whose only reaction is a scoff, because they interrupted yet another "sad” backstory. But Hange continues _"...How you got Erwin so head over heels for you._ “And that does it, Levi has fallen completely silent and is looking at them with wide eyes. They know they hit the bulls eye. They look at Mike whose face is now spotting a slight grin.  _"You've got to be shitting me, right?”_ Levi asks a bit unsure"  _"No Levi I wouldn't dare, Mike back me up here!"_ Hange replies.  _"Yeah, Levi he totally got the hots for you" It wasn't really a great back-up_ , and Hange looks at Mike with a face that screams "step up your game man!" So they take over again.  _"I mean why else would he hang around you all the time, and he even told Mike it was love at first sight, It was therefore that he needed you to join the survey corps and convince you to stay, his plan worked perfectly. Right Mike?" "Hang I was just getting to that"_ The grin he had been showing earlier was now an evil smile.  _"The moment I shoved your pretty face in the mud he was hooked, poor guy."_  and Hange had a hard time trying not to laugh.  _"Bullshit"_  Levi blurted out.  _"He knew I wanted to kill him, you can't fall for someone like that." "Yes that's true but uhmm...  He just thought that made it even more exciting, you know sexier"_ Hange had jumped back in trying to control the damage.  _Back then it was just a little crush but now he can't even think straight anymore, you are really ruining him Levi._ “Mike added, he started to enjoy this.  _"Mike you shouldn't say that, We shouldn't have said anything in the first place, Erwin will be so embarrassed if he knew we spilled the beans. Unless you feel the same way ofcourse, then it wouldn't have to be embarrassing at all right?"_  And both Hange and Mike turned to the smaller man with an ominous expression on their faces.

 _"Don't be ridiculous, even if I were buying all that shit I wouldn't want anything to do with blondie! Anyhow it's late and I'm tired of your nonsenses. See your shitty faces in the morning."_ Levi scoffs, and even though he tries to come across as being indifferent, Hange sees right through him. Levi looks confused, and there is something different about him that Hange can't quite pinpoint. At least he isn't as confident anymore as he was a few minutes ago. 

 _"We should've gotten him more drunk, maybe it would have worked then."_ Mike says after Levi had left. " _Nah don't worry he took the bait."_ Hange replied. She was sure of it even with their bad arguments they somehow managed to convince Levi of Erwin’s love for him. But if they wanted to continue this charade they have to come up with something better because, convincing a drunk Levi is one thing but keeping a sober Levi convinced is another story.

When Levi lays in bed that night, his mind keeps going over the things Mike and Hange had mentioned in the bar. Could they be telling the truth, could Erwin actually have these sort of feelings for him. It was true that they’ve become very close. Levi spends a few evenings a week in the confinement of Erwin’s office. His attitude towards the man had changed as well, Erwin went from being a target to being one of Levi’s closest friends. But apparently Erwin felt different. And if he had those feelings then, why would he be so willingly showing them to those idiots. But not say a thing about it to Levi. What if he was about to address them to him. Levi would have to turn him down face to face. Could he do that? Things would become so awkward between them. He had no choice, he had to avoid Erwin until his feelings would simmer down.

And that’s what Levi did, and of course Hange and Mike noticed. The torture didn’t stop there however, every moment they had alone with Levi that week was spend telling him about the shameful things their commander had supposedly entrusted them with. “ _He thinks your eyes are as beautiful as a summer storm” ”He also said your hair is the most rare type of raven black.” “Did I also mention he thinks your small build makes you look cute.”” He says you’re the only one who can pull off a cravat.” And so on._ Hange and Mike revelled over Levi’s reactions. His cheeks would blush violently and he would shuffle in his place and he would even sometimes show a small smile, at least as much of a smile Levi was capable of giving. But when they started getting riskier they finally got Levi where they wanted him. “Erwin is getting worse Levi after the meeting yesterday he just kept going on about how much he wants you, about how he wants to take you on every flat surface in his office. I felt quite uncomfortable.” Picturing these events was what had Levi fleeing out of the mass room leaving a chuckling Hange and Mike behind.

After a week of this however Hange and Mike had gotten silent on the topic. They didn’t even mention Erwin’s name anymore in conversation. And while at first Levi had felt relieved, it now started to become suspicious. So he decided to broach the subject. _“So has Erwin said some new gross things about me?” “Why do you want to know, are you trying to say you have finally fallen for  commander handsome?”_ Levi scoffed “ _No I haven’t, and don’t call him that, just forget it.” “You know if you had, it would have been too late anyways.”_ Hange said. _“What do you mean too late?” “Well, he’s kind of over you now.” “What the heck are you saying, he’s been talking about me the whole week even going as far as mentioning… you know that sort of things, how do you mean he’s over me?”_ Levi felt himself getting angrier at them, and not understanding why he got so angry at the fact that apparently the problem was now solved, was what was making him more angry. _“He’s got the hots for that new recruit what was his name again Hange?”_ Mike who had been silent this whole time decided to join in on the fun. They were pushing his buttons. _“Frank Weller I believe it was.” “Weller he is into that now, that fucking giant. If I didn’t know better I would have thought he was a new class of titan.”_ Levi snapped at them. And Hange felt almost bad for poor Frank Weller who they now had involved in this. _“He’s into tall people now.”_ That is what pushes Levi over the edge and he storms out of the room, making his way to Erwin’s office. This has Hange and Mike hysterically laughing. Everything that they had planned had worked perfectly. _“Come on Mike if we want to see the final we have to follow him.”_ Hange snickered while pulling Mike behind them.

Levi threw the door to Erwin’s office open, and found the man himself perched behind his desk, probably working on some paperwork. _“Levi what a nice surprise, I haven’t seen you in at least a week, were you busy with something?”_ Erwin said upon seeing Levi in the doorpost, totally unfazed by the violence his door had just been subjected to. _“Cut the crap Erwin tell me what is going on between Weller and you”_ Levi growled. “You mean Frank Weller, Levi where did you get this…” but Erwin  got interrupted by Levi’s gibberish “You should be with me of all people. And it took you what, two days to get over me huh. You old bastard and to think that I would let you fuck me on every flat surface in this room, like you said you wanted. “Levi, wait what did you just say, you want me to do what exactly.” Levi looks at Erwin’s expression which would be best described as pure shock at this point. And he realises he has been played. His conclusion gets confirmed when he hears Hange and Mike’s frantic laughter behind him. They are practically rolling on the floor at this point. All of the sudden a wave of shame hits Levi, It’s something he has never experienced before, he never cared about what others think about him and he has been on the receiving end of jokes before. But it had never had this effect on him. He feels stupid, how could he have not seen through their crap from the beginning. Obviously Erwin Smith could never have such feelings for him. He turns around to insult them or maybe even beat them up a little. But he can’t . It feels like everyone’s eyes are on him and he has never felt this insecure before. He needs to get out here. That’s when Levi walks out the door with a fast pace without saying another word. It’s the sight of Levi retreating, that makes Hange and Mike realise that they may have taken it a bit too far. Erwin turns to them with a questioning look on his face. _“Something tells me the two of you have some explaining to do?”_

Levi sits on his bed surrounded by the darkness of the evening. He needs some time alone to think. _How can it be that such a childish and stupid joke is affecting me this way_. He doesn’t do emotional, so why is he having a pity party right now. He ran away without saying a word. So childish of him. He only made a bigger fool of himself like that.

 

There’s knock on the door. _“Hange if you came here to gloat I will smack those glasses of your fucking face.” “Levi it’s me.”_ A familiar voice answers. And all of the sudden Levi is looking for a way to flee again.  At that moment he realises he doesn’t really care what other people think of him. There is only one person he wants to make a good impression on. And that is the person he just embarrassed himself in front of. The same person who is now outside his door. Correction, making his way inside his chambers as Levi is having this mental breakdown. _“Are you alright, you seemed a bit shaken up. Hange and Mike explained what happened. I swear I had nothing to do with...”_   _“I know.”_ Levi interrupts him. “ _I’m fine, I just need to be alone now.” “ I hope you don't feel embarrassed about it. It’s all cleared up now._ ” Erwin said   _“I know, I’m not mad because of the fucking joke.”  “Good, you know the two of them can be such a nuisance sometimes.”_ He hears Erwin getting closer. And then a hand on his shoulder. He can hear Erwin’s voice close to his ear when he says: _”Especially when they interrupt you when you’re telling me something important, **what was it that you wanted me to do to you?** ” _

Levi wasn't pissed at Hange and Mike anymore after that night and they just couldn’t put their finger on why Levi was grinning like crazy the next day.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So this is late, and took me an awfull lot longer to write than I had expected. This is probably the most cracky thing I've ever written. For the part where Erwin is leaning over Levi and whispering in his ear, I was imagening the "What do you see Eren" pose aka the Creepwin pose. Also this may not be very in-character as this is a humor story so it is quite a bit different than it's canon counterparts. But anyways this is my first attempt at writing humor so I hope this atleast made you smile. And feedback is always welcome.
> 
> Come find me on tumblr: careruri
> 
> Written for canon eruri week Day 7


End file.
